I've gotten so off track with blogging my emotions through this crazy journey. I've stopped talking to people, not just because "oh I had surgery" but because some people feel their way should have been my way and we didn't agree.
I for once have made a selfish decision (YES ME LOL) and had my surgery thinking of me first. I am happy about this. Im embracing this change. I currently don't know how much I weigh, but I know I have gone down two sizes in my pants. Everything is getting smaller already, inches are definitely coming in and its just amazing! I feel great! Of co ruse there is still work to be done. I still have to continue eating right and start a work-out routine as soon as I get my green light from the doctor.
A part of me feels bad that I don't have the support of certain people in my life, or even the friends I thought were my friends I found out really weren't. As the new year approaches I just tell myself along with this new me and this new year I will just turn over a new leaf and leave the old behind. If your not for me then your definitely against me! DEUCES
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Reaching Week Three
My soul looks back and wonders how I made it over???? It's been almost three weeks since my surgery and so much has happened! I have lost a relationship and mended another one. It's amazing to see how many real friends you have in your corner when you down. You get fewer phone calls, texts, emails lol but It only gives you time clean out your "address book" is how I like to put it. LOL
I started back on my Internet radio show Real Life wit RealTalk (www.wugr.biz Fridays 7:30p-9:30p) and didn't realize how much I enjoyed doing the show until I was away for sometime, I am considering if I may want to us my communications major possibly on the radio???? I'm still thinking PR is where it's at but I need to finish my degree first anyway! That's been heavy on my brain as well.
In approaching my week three my goal is to start walking more then what I already have, and start my scrap booking. I need something to help me with the emotional woes I have been enduring, this may help me keep my mind busy and off some of the bull. I truly believe thou when your trying to do whats right or even sometimes just something to better your self that's when you will get hit with so,e of the craziest things from the enemy. But like I have learned you just have to COUNT IT ALL JOY!
I started back on my Internet radio show Real Life wit RealTalk (www.wugr.biz Fridays 7:30p-9:30p) and didn't realize how much I enjoyed doing the show until I was away for sometime, I am considering if I may want to us my communications major possibly on the radio???? I'm still thinking PR is where it's at but I need to finish my degree first anyway! That's been heavy on my brain as well.
In approaching my week three my goal is to start walking more then what I already have, and start my scrap booking. I need something to help me with the emotional woes I have been enduring, this may help me keep my mind busy and off some of the bull. I truly believe thou when your trying to do whats right or even sometimes just something to better your self that's when you will get hit with so,e of the craziest things from the enemy. But like I have learned you just have to COUNT IT ALL JOY!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Fiveth Day AFTER
So I DID IT!!!! LETS SING DORA'S THEME SONG! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! YEA YEA WE DID IT! OK that's enough! and man its been a a hell of five days let me tell you!!!!!!!!!!!! After surgery the first day yes there was pain I was sore and I was not talking to anyone! But mom and grandma, I started texting by day two after surgery b/c I was feeling better. I was walking, talking, blowing on my tube to make sure I didn't get ammonia, eating ice chips, jello (i loved jello in the hospital)
When the doctor came around by the 19Th he was ready for me to go and I was ready to go! I was on my way to mamma's! DISCHARGED! I was smiling =) feeling good, no more IV, no more getting up every three hours and walking.
The next couple of days until today are a little blank let me tell you, I have been sleepy and weak, dehydrated some, gassy.
Like Maya Angelou STILL I RISE!!!!! Last night I struggled to lay down and kept telling myself "by his stripes I am HEALED" and last night I had time to understand the true meaning of "his stripes" I woke up feeling so good today!!! I still have had my moments where I need to sit down and take a break. But I sat outside, went for a car ride, FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE HAD CHURCH ALL BY MYSELF! and really got something wonderful from it!
It was meant for me to hear this (my mom told me to listen to this CD) word was from James 1:4
and it basically saying COUNT IT ALL JOY! and that's what I am doing right with my situation. I'M GOING TO COUNT IT ALL JOY!!! GOOD, BAD, INDIFFERENT!!!
When the doctor came around by the 19Th he was ready for me to go and I was ready to go! I was on my way to mamma's! DISCHARGED! I was smiling =) feeling good, no more IV, no more getting up every three hours and walking.
The next couple of days until today are a little blank let me tell you, I have been sleepy and weak, dehydrated some, gassy.
Like Maya Angelou STILL I RISE!!!!! Last night I struggled to lay down and kept telling myself "by his stripes I am HEALED" and last night I had time to understand the true meaning of "his stripes" I woke up feeling so good today!!! I still have had my moments where I need to sit down and take a break. But I sat outside, went for a car ride, FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE HAD CHURCH ALL BY MYSELF! and really got something wonderful from it!
It was meant for me to hear this (my mom told me to listen to this CD) word was from James 1:4
and it basically saying COUNT IT ALL JOY! and that's what I am doing right with my situation. I'M GOING TO COUNT IT ALL JOY!!! GOOD, BAD, INDIFFERENT!!!
Monday, November 16, 2009
The Night Before
OK so let see here: House cleaned (check) Car clean (check) Hair wash (check) Packed NO!!! LOL I have to get up super early in the morning and get to my moms so she can drive me to the hospital and get this party started!
My cousins texted me this morning and said "tomorrow your going to be a new woman" I thought YEA! HELL YEA!!!! But no, no I'll be the same woman just things about physically will change. This is something that I want to be clear about with not just with my friends and family but with myself. Bariatric Bypass Surgery is a lifestyle change. Unless your ready to really make this change then I suggest you don't make the decision to have this surgery. I was at a point and time in my life where alot of things were already changing as it was, so I was welcoming change.
Tonight I have reflected on all the different things that I have been through, and how God never brings you to a certain point to just leave you. So my nervous feeling is really at its lowest. I just have to get past the pre-op part tomorrow. I do want to take this time to thank everybody who has been supportive during this roller coaster. I haven't posted a "face book status" so to say LOL about me getting my surgery b/c I rather keep it somewhat private for now. Those that do know and have been finding out have been very encouraging and supportive and that means the WORLD TO ME!!! I have had my na sayers but that's not going to stop me. The ones that doubted me will wish they never did!!! Tonight I can say...Yea I'm Ready!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Mixed Emotions
I sit here so overwhelmed with emotions. I don't know if it was the small (very) unnecessary argument I had with my ex yesterday or just that I go under a very serious change in just two very short days.
My girlfriend who had the surgery visited shortly today and she always has helpful insight. She said "don't take any books, you'll just sleep from the pain" in the hospital anyway. LOL Funny to hear it but I'm sure she's right. I was mentally packing all these things!!! I still have to do this actually and haven't! AHHH
I feel like I have all these things still left to do but no time left to do them. Oh and not to mention my liquid diet I've had to be on since yesterday at noon which I think I was doing good until last night. I think I also need to find some more filling soups. I just got a little frustrating last night with the diet.
Then the question all my loves ones keep asking "are you ready"??? I don't know how to answer that? "I mean I guess". As ready as I will be to be cut on. lol that's the only part I don't like of this process, I'm ready for my change to come HELL YEA!!!! BRING THAT ON!!!!! I guess if I could close my eyes tonight and wake up and have already been operated on I'd be OK (sounds weird) I know. But I have serious anxiety issues leading up until surgery...pre-op part AHHH put me to sleep as soon as I get there! LOL
My girlfriend who had the surgery visited shortly today and she always has helpful insight. She said "don't take any books, you'll just sleep from the pain" in the hospital anyway. LOL Funny to hear it but I'm sure she's right. I was mentally packing all these things!!! I still have to do this actually and haven't! AHHH
I feel like I have all these things still left to do but no time left to do them. Oh and not to mention my liquid diet I've had to be on since yesterday at noon which I think I was doing good until last night. I think I also need to find some more filling soups. I just got a little frustrating last night with the diet.
Then the question all my loves ones keep asking "are you ready"??? I don't know how to answer that? "I mean I guess". As ready as I will be to be cut on. lol that's the only part I don't like of this process, I'm ready for my change to come HELL YEA!!!! BRING THAT ON!!!!! I guess if I could close my eyes tonight and wake up and have already been operated on I'd be OK (sounds weird) I know. But I have serious anxiety issues leading up until surgery...pre-op part AHHH put me to sleep as soon as I get there! LOL
Friday, November 13, 2009
Thursday
The longest journey begins with a single step. I took that step back in June when I made my decision to start my researching, my interviewing, and shopping around for my surgery and a doctor. I haven't turned back since. I have had my moments where I thought I was going to and even wanted to change my mind but I think therefore I am! This morning I woke up like WOW its Thursday only four more days! I have really been suffering in pain the last couple of nights with my GERD, and getting really like maybe 2-3 hours of sleep (ugh) and and I thought to myself after these four days I'm really going to experience some serious pain! humm didn't think about that huh...
Today I had to think about it this way, that pain will only be temporary. My effects from the surgery will last me the rest of my lifetime. I have suffered enough, the surgery is 90% a medical decisison but the other 10% is because I would love be sexier looking. YES! I have come to love me! But lets face it there is always room for improvement...OK! So as I turn my corner in the next couple of days in my journey, to get some wheels turning. I keep telling myself this is only the beginning! I focus on the good that will come out of what I am embarking, If I plant good seed then Ill get good harvest!
Today I had to think about it this way, that pain will only be temporary. My effects from the surgery will last me the rest of my lifetime. I have suffered enough, the surgery is 90% a medical decisison but the other 10% is because I would love be sexier looking. YES! I have come to love me! But lets face it there is always room for improvement...OK! So as I turn my corner in the next couple of days in my journey, to get some wheels turning. I keep telling myself this is only the beginning! I focus on the good that will come out of what I am embarking, If I plant good seed then Ill get good harvest!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
My inspiration
It is exactly a week for my big day and the one word that describes me is nervous!!!!! AHHHHH
I thought a week ago I wasn't going to go through with the surgery. I allowed somethings that were said to me that were negative to rest in my spirit and begin to settle a bit. I thought "maybe I can't do this" "maybe I won't be successful" I DON'T KNOW!!!!! But of course God always has HIS WAY. A very good friend (really more like a lil sis to me) of mine fell ill and had to have emergency surgery just about a week and half before mine, she had already been facing some tests in her own walk with God and then the surgery came along. I talked to her everyday! and she was always in pretty good spirits and she said to me one day "its not even the surgery part of it" and when she said this I thought to myself how could I be SO worried about having surgery. IF SHE CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!
Since that day I have been more at peace with yes on November 17, 2009 I will have bariatric surgery. This is can a scary thing, but like my girl Michelle sang on Sunday tho trails come I feel like going on!!! and BABY (in my Monique' voice) I knew then I could go on!
I always had a feeling of excitement until the date got closer and closer but, I think this is very normal. Not to say that I'm not still excited, I just don't do pain. So when I start focusing on the side effects I will experience I think about my lil sis and Michelle who I know was singing to me! on Sunday. In their own ways both of them have inspired me. I love you both thank you.
I thought a week ago I wasn't going to go through with the surgery. I allowed somethings that were said to me that were negative to rest in my spirit and begin to settle a bit. I thought "maybe I can't do this" "maybe I won't be successful" I DON'T KNOW!!!!! But of course God always has HIS WAY. A very good friend (really more like a lil sis to me) of mine fell ill and had to have emergency surgery just about a week and half before mine, she had already been facing some tests in her own walk with God and then the surgery came along. I talked to her everyday! and she was always in pretty good spirits and she said to me one day "its not even the surgery part of it" and when she said this I thought to myself how could I be SO worried about having surgery. IF SHE CAN DO IT! I CAN DO IT!
Since that day I have been more at peace with yes on November 17, 2009 I will have bariatric surgery. This is can a scary thing, but like my girl Michelle sang on Sunday tho trails come I feel like going on!!! and BABY (in my Monique' voice) I knew then I could go on!
I always had a feeling of excitement until the date got closer and closer but, I think this is very normal. Not to say that I'm not still excited, I just don't do pain. So when I start focusing on the side effects I will experience I think about my lil sis and Michelle who I know was singing to me! on Sunday. In their own ways both of them have inspired me. I love you both thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
